Had doctor appointment two yesterday. Having had really negative experiences before with this type of doctor’s office I was more than a little apprehensive. Turned out that the doctor was professional, kind, and appropriate - what a surprise! He is jumping right in to try to get to the bottom of the pain and fix what is fixable, and not discounting what does not seem to be fixable. The goal, as always, is to get off pain meds, but he shook his head and said that wasn’t going to happen at this point. Glad he agreed. He identified more back issues and wants to do more epidural injections to see if that helps. He did say at one point that “There is no such thing as rheumatoid pain” -- believing that pain is located in places. Funny that RA pain can feel like a burning from the inside, all over -- the soft tissues in my legs and arms feel like they are being ripped open with knives (sorry for the graphic description.)It isn’t just a joint problem. I politely disagreed, and hope this doesn’t become a conflict. He suggested that I have fibromyalgia. How he can determine all this in a 15 minute appointment is beyond me, but I’ll give him a try. I had to wait in the office for test results to be faxed over from Lahey, making it a two hour appointment when all was said and done. Another monthly appointment on the docket now.
Tilly seems to have regressed a bit. Walking well on three legs but not attempting to use the injured leg. I tried a heating pad before PT but he isn’t having any of it. Snarls and tries to bite when I try to gently move his leg. Boo. C’mon, Till. You don’t want to be a tripod. At least he wants to walk.
Busy day today at school. It is the end of the quarter and a former student is coming to observe classes. Massive amounts of paperwork to grade then on to Create tonight. Hoping to fit in some art time, even if it is to bead and listen and spend one chapter in Three Pines this afternoon. Or take a nap. Both are highly valid activities with the current state of my boy and mind!
If I was healthy, I’d plan a trip to place myself in new scenery for a weekend, but know the effort, time , and money would be wasted as I most likely wouldn’t feel well when there, and then would feel guilty about it. There is a good art show about Max Beckmann in NYC right now that I’d like to see. Or even go to Hampton again and just sit on the beach wall. Or go visit Val in Connecticut. Or even just go to Belmont to see Alex and company. It all is too much, and just keeping to the routine is borderline manageable these days.
Hoping things get better soon. . I hope my friends and family understand that I am not out having a great time with life lately, that this is a time of treading water. Hanging in, hanging on, and hoping. Cheers.