Was told on Friday by a really nice doctor at MGH to expect a slightly longer recovery time than two weeks, with the incision site being a primary concern. He said I might wake up from surgery with no leg pain. I can't even imagine. Or not, as it could take months for any changes to be seen. If I am in the unlucky 8% he cited, there will be no change, or more damage (only 2%, though.) When I asked him if the pain I've been feeling in my lower legs and feet could be from the RA, as my RA doc has said joint swelling pinches nerves and can cause this kind of pain, his answer was "That's ridiculous. No." Hmmmm. We shall see who is right after the 3rd! I had hour long appointment with this doctor, an older, retired surgeon with nothing invested in whether I had surgery or not, and confessed my visits to Dr. Google, and the fear that arose as a result. He said EVERYONE visits with Dr. Google, and it isn't a bad thing. In this case though, he thinks it should be smooth sailing with an improvement in pain, after a pretty hefty dose of pain from the surgery itself.
After watching and feeling my second toe on my right foot slowly dislocate over a period of three months and the pain that it entailed, I got this. Then I think back to all the surgeries my dad withstood, for his back, lung tumors, and for bad intestinal cancer, and I can suck it up and hang tough. He never complained about any of it or showed fear. I can't imagine how scared he was, though, with four kids counting on him and going under the knife for one of the first micro-surgery disk surgeries ever done by the famed Dr. Roth in the 1970's. Making the decision to go forward and do this was the toughest part. I am trying to build in a few post-surgery carrots to keep me going -- incentives for things I can do afterwards. Like go to NYC and back to the Metropolitan, the Village, and walk with less pain. Like keep my house cleaner. Like not suffer bringing in groceries. Like not taking so many medicines. Like being able to work on art more without getting tired -- the energy directed to dealing with constant discomfort is not to be underestimated. It's one of those things that unless you live it, it probably is hard to understand.
So, this blog post is yet another self-indulgent one, focusing on a topic having little to do with making art every day. You never know, though, maybe surgery might just let me get back in the game to the level I want to be playing.
What will you make today?