"Mary, please come out to the classroom since you aren't working or using the computer." She was in the computer lab hanging with her friend, who was working,and had been asked to get to work three times before, but begged for more chances.
"No, Ms. Ropple, I swear I will get to work this time. Really! I mean it!"
"Nope. Time to move. Let's go." She didn't move. Realizing that she was not going to respond to any more discussion and she is incapable of being physically moved, I moved on to other class concerns.
A bit later, I told her since she didn't move, and still wasn't working, she lost credit for the class. She responded with an often heard shriek of "You hate me! You hate me! I was going to get to work but you hate me!" delivered with the fiercest of looks from big, beautiful, questioning eyes. The look said "Do you hate me? Am I worth not hating? Am I lovable?" Exposure. Projection. Insecurity. Since we've danced like this many times before, my answer was ready.
"No, Mary, I love you to bits and that is why I am holding you accountable for your time." This prompted a silly face from her and then from me, and then we laughed.
"No you don't." she said. and again that flash of insecurity, albeit lessened, but infused with humor.
"Ummm, yes I do. To bits and you know it!" Another silly face, a smile, and then it was time for the bell to ring and her to go home and think about things in ways only middle schoolers can. I am going to miss this kid when she leaves our school in a few weeks! We've had a similar banter for three years and I truly appreciate her humor, and artistic ability. I do love her to bits and will miss her.
At this point in the year, it starts to get sad. All the amazing kids that entered our school as little 6th grade ducks are now leaving as graceful swans, hopefully having found a safe and happy direction in which to travel further. The day to day special and personalized interactions like the one above happen multiple times, all day long, when one has over three hundred students. A middle schooler is like a sculpture -- each adult and peer has the ability to model and shape little flexible bits over the years. A tweak here, a tweak there, both positive and negative, helps kids find their most comfortable form.
I am sure other teachers feel the same way when I say that our biggest wish is to not have tweaked a kid in the wrong direction due to our own impatience or lack of understanding. I cringe at memories from my early years teaching middle schoolers, before I had the experience to truly understand them. Do I make mistakes? Does humor sometimes not work the way it was intended? Of course, from time to time, as I am human. I apologize if something came out wrong, and I try to be very, very careful so as not to demoralize or insult. I truly love this age group and feel honored to be in such a position to help kids navigate this tough time in their lives. Not to mention that the art these lids can make kicks butt and rivals anything I see in galleries and museums!!
Onward to Tuesday, which is supposed to be the most productive day of the week. We shall see! What will you make today?