I know it is bad when I stand at the top of my stairs and think "How the hell am I going to get down these?!" I've bolted up and down these stairs since learning how to walk, but found myself at 4 am standing at the top feeling like I couldn't make one stair let alone a dozen. Looking on the bright side, though, I can't find my cane. That is good because it has been so long since I've needed it, I forgot where it is! Amazing, really.
Stress can effect health -- is that what is happening here? This past week has been a tough one in terms of stress, on personal and practical levels. Or is it something simple, like my shoes have worn out and aren't giving me enough support? Or, did I just move wrong in my sleep? Or not enough when awake? I doubt the last part, because I've made a conscious effort to keep moving since surgery. This HAS to get better on its own as I have too much to do right now and this summer to have limitations again. I am determined to win this one. Fake it til we make it, right?
Today will be a day of total distraction. It is amazing how effective distraction can be -- that the mind is such a powerful tool. Plenty to do at work, plenty to do at home. When your body is in constant revolt, your brain learns how to find distractions that can redirect thoughts and energy. It takes practice, though. When I first got sick with RA, I just couldn't handle the pain levels that I live with daily now. It amazes me what a person can get used to in terms of physical discomfort. And frustrates me to no end that we have to get used to it -- what a waste of energy and life. Instead of thinking about the pain, you put your brain elsewhere. Even if it means just listening to an audio book and resting for a while. Fifteen minutes at a time. There is no physical escape, but there are mental escapes. I have to live in one.
Whining over, hoping to think about art today. Good way to start the day. I started reading Stitch Draw by Rosie James yesterday, via my Scribd subscription. So far it has been a nice introduction to contour drawing with pencil first, then explains ways of transferring the design to cloth. It is nice not having to buy the book yet -- I am trying to avoid adding to my physical library -- but Batsford Press books are so tempting!
James' work is lively and figure based, which is so different from what I do, I love the machine drawn lines and hope to learn more about this aspect of the process. I have such limited skill when it comes to figure drawing. I can do it when I have to, with great concentration, but never in such a light-hearted, fluid way. Maybe this is a good technique to dig into this summer. Once my sewing machine leg becomes usable again! Good grief, Charlie Brown. Cheers.