I thought back to how I felt when I had dated him. He seemed so interesting, and positive, and I immediately was invested in his best interests, sometimes to the point of not caring for my own. His good qualities shone while the obvious things I should have been seeing were almost invisible. Almost. At the time I had a lot of new changes on my plate and was trying to "get out there" and date, with hopes of meeting someone great. Fast forward to now, and I am highly skeptical of everyone. Bitter? Maybe a bit. Man-hater? Not really. I just think that there are a lot of damaged and selfish people out there in the world and I have no intention of wasting my precious life-energy on someone else who has no interest in sincerely reciprocating. Zippo. I have too much else to do.
Sometimes I do get lonely, and feel like I am missing out on having another half, but then I think of my friend, who has stuck her neck out more times than I can count, meeting wonderful men and giving it a several month go, with lots of personal and emotional investment, only to have her head and heart lopped off by yet another cad. I've listened to her gush with excitement about the wonderful qualities of each new guy, and felt her hopefulness that each new encounter will pan out. Taking on the man's world a bit as if it was now her own. I think of a Roddy Frame song, Surf --
"Sweet, slight arresting bright light smile
Peels back the layered big city style
And reveals me in the mystery of what her world could mean to me
She's an island girl
I'm lost at sea"
What will you make today?