He told me about his disease defining moment when he was about forty. He was at work, standing with a group of coworkers watching a demonstration in the company's mill. He had such a shot of pain in one of his legs it went out from under him and he fell. That prompted him to get medical help. The doctor never put him on anything stronger than what we call Aleve now, which is sad because he clearly had significant pain and fatigue throughout his life. His advice to me was to keep moving. Good advice! I can not imagine dealing with the pain levels of uncontrolled RA without at least pain medication, let alone the other multiple daily meds in the arsenal that work in a less obvious way. When I was too scared by the media to take pain medication, thinking I would become immediately addicted and it would turn my life upside down, I was in such pain I couldn't function, and didn't. My life consisted of looking at my living room ceiling during non-working hours as I repeated the mantra "and this too will pass." Severe foot swelling led to multiple broken bones in addition to RA pain. A very dark time indeed. At least I got to hang with the birds and watch the entire run of the X-Files, which is now one of my favorite TV shows ever!
Once I added pain medication to my regimen, I started being able to live again. To keep moving. To not grimace through work. To not leave domestic things so undone that catching up was impossible. And no, one doesn't get "high" from pain medication when it is taken regularly for pain. The only good feeling I get is a lowered pain level. Which is truly liberating. I will never be at my old 100% productive level of activity, though, and realize I've adopted a procrastination system of my own as part of dealing with this disease.
Because you just can't keep up physically (and mentally) with all that needs doing, waiting on some things until they have to be done makes sense. Half filled trash barrels can wait until they are full, laundry can wait until there is a full load. Same for dishes. My house is a mess, but I usually can find what I need when I need it. Additionally, I find that sometimes solutions to problems often arise if the concerns sit long enough. I trust my intuition when it comes to procrastinating, and usually it pays off. Things have a way of just working out. Waiting to make decisions until the choice is clear can be the best solution rather than forcing an issue.
This is what happened yesterday. Since acquiring my feathered family, I've been plagued with a constant worry about what will happen to my babies when I die. I have yet to make a will, thought it has been on my "to-do" list for literally years. Just not sure what to do, so I let it sit. I have people in my life that I can call on to help in a pinch, but know taking on parrots, especially ones like Kizzy and Hapi, can be a huge commitment and challenge. I haven't had a clear answer as to what to do, so no paperwork has been developed.
Yesterday I took the birds up to their "salon" in New Hampshire to get their nails done. The fantastic guy that does the nails there was also Kizzy's hand-feeder when he was a baby chick. He has a female macaw very similar to Kizzy, around the same age, and this happened:
There was blushing, exchanged "hellos" and clearly mutual interest. Gabby, above, is a beautiful hybrid and is just bossy enough to keep Kizzy in line. They've met before but this was different - Kizzy was so happy to see another bird that looked like himself, I think. He was in love and/or fascinated (is there a difference?) I had the realization that should anything happen to me prematurely, Kiz could possibly get "married," or Gabby's owner might be able to play a role in helping whoever takes Kizzy on. A plan unfurled in my mind and I know that I can put it together with confidence this summer. Finally! Wouldn't it be great if when I die, Kizzy has a new life filled with one of his own kind? The thought of him not being alone, but being able to experience the love of another parrot, makes my heart feel good. It would have to be possible on Gabby's Dad's side, but at minimum there is a wonderful resource who truly knows my bird there to guide Kizzy's new family through a transition. A solution to the biggest worry in my life is starting to fall into place. Because I've waited!
This is a long, raving post today, which is also a form of procrastination -- I have to get moving to feed "the farm" and clean up before kids come over for their weekend art class later on today. One more cup of coffee is in order so that I can move faster in doing all the things that need doing at the very last minute...thanks, Dad, for a strategy that works!!
What will you make today?