Fast forward forty four years or so and things haven't changed all that much. There are so many things that need doing every day that I really hate having to take time out to sleep, be it a nap or going to bed for the night. Last night was a prime example. After a long day of annoying leg symptoms from The Back and arthritis pain in The Feet, my brain and body were exhausted. It takes energy to combat constant pain. Sometimes I forget that. I think that by ignoring it, accepting it, and working around it, it doesn't exist. Unfortunately though, the physical body cries "Uncle!" when it has had enough whether I like it or not. By 7:30 last night I felt like I was a cement block being dragged around by a single AA battery. Then the brain followed suit. I wanted to work of artwork -- draw something, collage, even make a pair of earrings -- but felt too mentally dull to even start. 7:30 pm. Yikes.
I'd gotten a lot done after school, preparing food for myself, dogs, cats, birds, doing laundry, emptying out and refilling the dishwasher, cleaning off the art table, organizing beads, walking dogs, taking Kizzy out for some fresh air and forsythia branches, answering email, preparing for Thursday's class at Create. Still, in my odd Virgoan brain, it wasn't enough. I wanted to clean my art room tables, work on a small piece, photograph my skull (Show entry deadline is 9/30!), prep more for classes, wash the dog beds, organize bookshelves, and more. The list never ends! At 7:30 I felt like that four year old kid saying "But I don't want a nap!!!"
Part of this is that during the years that Humira and other meds were not controlling the RA I had to rest, and rest a lot. And keep The Feet iced and elevated. Couldn't do much else. Talk about frustrating! I watched the entire seasons of The X Files, Arrested Development, Kolchak, and began Dr. Who, making it to the cool guy with the wild curly hair from the late 70's. (I still like the first actor the best, for those who care!) I am not a fan of passive TV watching by myself, and having restrictions on movement made it even less enjoyable. Too much to do in this life than sit. So, I try not to, and sometimes push myself into the brain dead state rather than taking time out to give the body and brain a break. Damn RA. Makes life complicated.
Autoimmune fatigue is different than just being tired. It is like wearing the heavy lead blanket that is placed on you when you have an xray at the dentist. Or wearing soaking wet jeans. Or how the brain feels after an all nighter studying for an exam. it effects mood and mental sharpness. Often the best answer is to just "GO TO BED" and hope the sleep fixes things, as it usually does when the disease is controlled, as thankfully it seems to be now. A key sign of autoimmune disease is unrefreshing sleep -- waking up just as tired, if not more so, after a nights rest. So, happily, I sprung out of bed this morning with two working legs and a brain filled with ideas about things to do today. Sleep was refreshing and I'm ready to roll. Maybe I should have taken a nap yesterday. Once again, Ma was probably right! Off to have a fun day at school with incredibly sweet kids and the Feathered Menace in tow. Should be a nice day, whether the legs work or not.
What will you make today?