Maybe it is the time of year, the effects of tapering prednisone and changing other medications, being off RA meds and coping with increased disease activity, or even the financial challenges that have surfaced lately. I don’t know for sure, and really the why doesn’t matter. The “What am I doing about it?” does.
Practicing positive thought patterns whenever possible. The “fake it till you make it” strategy often works for me. Is it a bit of denial? Yes. This works until it doesn’t. Grateful for friends who understand that I can’t be the best person in the world for them right now and don’t hate me for it.
Resting a bit more. Feels like “wimping out.” Giving into the need to get off my painful legs and rest when I need to, though, is a necessity. Yes, the house is probably in the worst state of disorganization it’s been in for a long time. But the laundry is almost done so I won’t go to work naked. I slept late yesterday and today. And am happy to report all pets lived and waited quite respectably for me to arise. The bursae on the sides of my knees are so sore and swollen that today it was literally breathtaking to touch my the side of my right leg. Felt like a burning, open wound -- yet the surface looks normal. Hate that about RA. It is hard to give into the need for rest when resting takes time away from all the other things that have to get done for me to work my way out of this funk, but pushing through continual pain is not helpful, either.
Limit expectations. Good enough will have to be good enough for a while. Period. MIght have to forget about taking the UK embroidery course right now (it is feeling like “just one more thing” and my PFAFF is not working right and needs to be brought in for service...another problem to deal with...ugh.)
Hug the birds. Kizzy is always looking for a snuggle and I am sure there is some physical uplift involved in having my arms full of his colorful, soft feathers. I’d say the same thing about hugging Toby, but…
Listening to more audiobooks. Getting lost in a good story is excellent escapism, which is what I need right now. Less thinking, more just be-ing. Have raved through at least four books in the past few weeks. Interesting plots and engaging writing, simple mystery themes.
Music. Though this hasn’t helped me much during this funk-event, but it usually does. Putting on a Squeeze playlist usually ups my energy and happiness-level. I know my funk is exceptionally powerful if the music doesn't tap into my inner spring of bliss. Which it hasn't. Hmmm.
Dog Walks Tilly needs lots of walking to get his leg in shape again. While he is still holding it up a lot, yesterday he galloped and bunny hopped like the old Till, at least for a little bit. Was good to see. The walking is good for my stiff self as well.
Bead therapy. Ahhhhh. My beloved beads. Having started a group of small digital pieces, I am onto the embellishment stage with them and am milking it for all its got. This is the best I feel, the quietest my mind becomes, the calmest my heart feels. I am trying to make time every day for a little beading session because as I know MAKING ART EVERY DAY is GOOD FOR US! Yes, I wish scrubbing my floors and walls had the same impact for me as filling spaces with beautiful pieces of glass and stone, but they don’t. Last night I stayed up until after midnight beading away (granted, a long daytime nap and evening coffee helped that happen.) I feel like at least I am making progress in the realm of art, and feel satisfied by that.
Unlike just about everything else right now. And this too will pass, I tell myself, and embrace the “these are all just feelings and feelings change” philosophy. Again, cognitive awareness and emotional functioning are different animals. The situational component of this dumpy state is something I can’t ignore, though, and I am having a hard time seeing my way clear of the obstacles. Ah, depression. You suck. And this too will pass. Repeat. In the meantime I'll be beading...talk later. Cheers!