When I became single again nine years ago (gasp) I got comfortable with going out alone and having dinner and drinks on my own at a bar. I never would have done that when married, or even before then. At first I was very intimidated, but now I have no qualms about sitting alone, drinking and/or eating, and reading a book or even writing. I prefer to be at a bar than a table -- sitting with empty seats feels wrong to me. I usually have a local place I like to go regularly, nearby. Over the years I have met the most interesting people through doing this. I've had really interesting conversations with friendly strangers, gaining glimpses of other people's lives in ways I never would have otherwise known. We all have scripts and stories that describe our lives.
Last night I went out to procure Cairo the Eclectus' favorite food -- nachos with chilli and jalapeno peppers. He loves the leftovers of these particular nachos so much that I keep him in mind when I order. The bar was almost empty, one nice couple to my left (parents of students I've taught) and one loud, edgy, rough looking kid to my right. The kid commented on my phone, and we struck up a conversation. He was in the trades, mid thirties, with a checkered past including a stint in federal prison. He has a twelve year old daughter in another city who lives with her grandmother because her mother, who was a nice girl who became a stripper and then a heroin addict, OD'd. He admitted having a bad drinking problem, which was pretty obvious. We talked about what his daughter might be going through and how she might need counseling or other supports, and he had never thought about that. We talked about a lot of things!
That's the short version. I honestly haven't talked to anyone about what it is like to be in prison, and it was fascinating. I asked what he did to be put in there, and what it was like? How he felt about it now? He talked about how one mistake at 21 messed up his entire life and the repercussions keep coming. He tried to travel to China and was denied entry, being sent home on a private jet in handcuffs. I am sure I was getting bits and pieces of a troubled life, but it was interesting to see life through the eyes of someone who lives in such a different world than I live in. The conversation was so engaging that one beer turned into two, then a "dessert" pomegranate martini after the bartender offered a taste of it. Which I knocked over on the bar making me feel stupid. I replaced it in a regular glass (don't give me stemware, please!!) I didn't spill that one, thankfully.
I gave the young guy a lift to the train station and he thanked me for talking to him, saying that he hasn't had such a relaxing, nice night and conversation in ages. He thanked me for helping him by listening. Sad, really. He also said if I ever dated anyone that wasn't nice to me he'd beat them up for me, which I assured him wouldn't be necessary. I had a nice time too, just learning about this kid and being an ear for his story. Had I not been sitting at the bar by myself, I never would have heard it or been able to help. Sometimes it is easier to talk to a stranger -- and this kid needed to talk. I care about people and didn't mind listening and offering feedback. I most definitely didn't need the pomegranate martinis, though, as that led to some serious over sleeping today -- but boy were they delicious!
Off to clean the house and hopefully find time to work on my current art quilt later today. What will you make today?